Archive | February, 2010


26 Feb

So I went running this morning outside, instead of the usual work-out at the gym. It was just too nice outside and I couldn’t pass it up. After running straight, for what I thought was 30 minutes, I was humored by the fact that my clock proudly displayed 14 minutes. Apparently I need to find a longer route to run. As I trucked back outside, I began to notice all the cherry blossom trees that our street is lined by. It’s not that I didn’t notice them before, but this time I noticed that they were all blooming and full and colorful. As I had my “wow, isn’t nature beautiful?” moment, that moment came to halt when my eyes fixed upon one of the trees that seemed to not be growing as much as the others.

Now, I’m no biologist or botantist (yes, I googled those terms), but it was very clear that this one tree had been trimmed and pruned (also googled) and to me, looked as though it was dying. As my mind began to debate all these thoughts about this tree, or lack there of, God must have got his cue. I should have known…I usually don’t sit and wonder about trees, but then again, neither do I about puzzles! So as I’m walking around my neigborhood, pondering why this tree was dying in the midst of all these other trees that were growing, God began to show me  that perception of that tree was just that…my perception. And go figure, it was wrong. As I “saw” the tree was dying, broken and cut down it was actually trimmed and pruned so that it could live. It was growing, it was healthy. I know what you might be thinking….wow, this post is “different”, especially for ‘this girl’, but in that moment, God gave me something visual and practical that I related to. Sometimes all the logic and the facts in the world can’t teach you quite like a visual, practical lesson.

I’ve felt like that tree, I’ve been that tree and I still am that tree. A lot of times I feel that those around me are further along in life than I am, whether its in their career, their family, their spiritual life…you name it. I feel as though, sometimes, I am stuck in this place where I am battling with God and the voice inside my head that I should be further along at my ripe old age of 24 ;). I should be more successful at work, I should be married, maybe even have kids, I should know more about life, experiences, love, relationships and ultimately about Him. And instead, I feel like the tree thats dying in the midst of those in full bloom. Thankfully, God cares about our feelings…

He first confirmed that I was right. (I love those moments…they don’t happen too often for me.) I am that tree, but the perception I have of myself (and the tree for that matter) is all wrong. Just like the tree, we as people must be trimmed, refined, broken off of the things that are enabling us to not grow to our full potential. I’m not stuck, i’m in a process of God trimming away those things in my life that are holding back the fruits of my inner most being to be able to surface the way He intended them to. You see, the tree itself could grow and produce petals without being trimmed or pruned, but it wouldn’t reach its full purpose and it wouldn’t be as healthy as it could be to whether the storms that are most certain to come. It’s not easy being that sort of tree. On the outside, its quite visible that it is clearly different. It provokes thoughts as to why it’s not like others and it even, sometimes, distorts people perceptions as to why its not what it should be.

I have come to know myself more than I ever intended to this past year. I have experienced hurt and sorrow, astonishment and fear, heartache and anger. Sometimes I forget how much of a process that is to trim away those wounds and allow God to restore me so that I may become what he has prepared for me to become. I don’t want to skip the process so that I could appear to be like the rest on the outside. Just like every tree is planted in a different spot in the soil, so are people. Our roots are all different and the branches and flowers and fruit we produce are unique.

God does not see me as a dying tree whose life has been halted or unfilled because that’s not who I am. I am a girl who is being refined becuase God loves me too much to leave me the way I am. He is preparing in me a new heart, stronger, more capable of withholding the storms that are to come and that’s okay. I would be foolish to give up now when I am surround by what I am destined and created to come and so much more.

Treehugger? No, just a girl on a mission to know God more each day and in doing so, know myself…even if it’s through crazy, abnormal horiticultre lessons.

Dear Jesus, continue to create in me a new heart and refine me into all that you have for me. Help me to be more patient at being patient ;). I don’t want to just get through this season of my life, but I want to enjoy the process and continue to be amazed at the way you clip away the brokeness to give me life. Help me be a better example to those you have entrusted me with. Daily adjust my perception and allow me to see the real me, the one you have created with a purpose, fully alive. You are all that I need and more and you are truly enough for me. Thank you for taking me through the process of stripping away the bitterness, anger, pain and fear and replacing it with joy, forgiveness, love and healing. May I be an example to others and reflect hope to the hurting. Thank you for loving me more today than yesterday.

*Ps. I realize I know nothing about trees or plant life, so if my references are way out of whack…no need to confirm my lack of intelligence in that area, but feel free to be humored at my expense. Your welcome 🙂


Fight back!

23 Feb

If you live in the Vancouver, Camas, Washougal or the Portland area, you have probably heard of The Trautman Family. If you don’t live in the area or havent heard of them, take a moment and click on their website or follow the link to watch their story on the news. If you are like me and are constantly wanting to give or do something to impact a life, but seldom do becuase of the vast opportunities, here’s YOUR chance! Be apart of something bigger than yourself. Be apart of the miracle that God has done and is doing in The Trautman Family’s lives! This could be your pay it forward moment (if you read my blog, you know how much I encourage those moments! click here or here or here to see more).

If you would like to help by contributing to the Trautman Family Support Fund, a donation account has been setup to assist the family with living expenses. Donations can be made at any Wells Fargo Bank. Simply let the teller know that you would like to contribute to the “Trautman Family Support Fund” (Donation Account #75802311).

Or stop by the Camas Papa Murphy’s (2406 S.E. 8th St., Camas, WA 98607) or the Riverstone Papa Murphy’s (3415 S.E. 192nd Ave., Camas, WA 98607) on Tuesday, March 16th and all proceeds from the pizza you purchase will be donated to The Trautman Family. BUY A PIZZA, IMPACT A LIFE!

mama mia.

23 Feb

A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.  ~Tenneva Jordan

This quote sums up my mom so perfectly. 🙂

You know what I hate…

22 Feb

I hate that there are millions of children all of the world without love and yet I have so much love to give.

I hate that I have so much that I am blessed with but am so overwhelmed with the outlets to give to, that instead I seldom do anything.

I hate that there are people, even now as I write this, that are in their darkest hours and they feel so alone and have no way of getting out of the place they have stumbled into, and I feel helpless.

I hate that everyday there are people who compromise their values, morals, integrity and standards for the sake of their selfish desires, but mostly I hate that they feel they are the only ones that do.

I hate that there are men and women every day that feel inadequate, never good enough, unloved and becuase of my impatientence or my own agenda, I just add to the dillusion of themself.

I hate that there are brave soliders fighting for our freedom, every second of every day and all we can do is put a yellow ribbon or a political bumper sticker on our cars as our way of ‘supporting them’.

I hate that there are girls in high school who dont realize that their ‘off the cuff’ words are killing other girls inside and I hate even more that some of them do realize what their doing and don’t care.

I hate that there are young men all over the world who are killing themselves trying to make their fathers proud, yet those fathers will never see what their lack of perspective is really doing.

I hate that there are people who feel like there is no hope, no way out and no way up. I hate that I pass by these people everyday…full of hope and feeling loved by the one who’s love is unconditional. What am I doing? Why am I withholding? What am I scared of? …

Am I scared that if I chose to do something about these things above that a child might feel loved? That others might receive what they so desperately need? That somebody in their darkest hour might see some light at the end of their tunnel? That people might stop feeling so alone? That I might help remind somone of who they truly are. A person designed with purpose and more valuable than they realize. That no matter what situation or circumstance someone might find themself in, that there is hope.

When did I become so silent, so selfish and so out of touch to those around me? I don’t want to be that person anymore. I don’t want to pass dying people by, while Im fully alive. It should be a daily question to Jesus of ‘What can I do today?’ Help me to be your hands, your feet, your voice and your listening ear. Hurting people are passed by everyday, I want to be the one who stops and sees them, truly sees them. I am defiently not perfect, with a list of issues all my own. I don’t have all the answers and I for sure have many, many things to learn, but I AM somebody and I CAN do something. It seems like I’ve spent many years asking God what I am suppose to do with my life and it seems as though I should have spent those years asking Him who I am. Who you are determines what you will do.


17 Feb

Dear Angie (aka self appointed “satan”),

Your title proceeds you. You kick my butt in spin class like no one else. I love/hate you and am sorry for all the awful things I say in my head about you during the hour of hell.

Dear pandora,

I’m not a big fan of this whole “your running out of free listening”…what am I going to listen to all day without you?!!

Dear Hawaii,

I’m coming soon, I promise. I can smell you already….mmmm, coconut.

Dear yellow nikes,

I can’t wait to meet you. I apologize in advance for the many miles I plan to pound into you. Please take good care of my feet!

Dear short shorts man,

It’s great that at such a hefty weight, you feel comfortable enough to wear such a “unique” ensemble containing thigh high short shorts,  a tight tank top and and ever so snug sweatband around your forehead…but please, please, please remember that while in spin class, you are in a room enclosed by mirrors. Please be courteous of those around you. Please and thank you.

Dear future,

You make me a bit nervous. As quick as I think I’ve got you all planned out, I’m surprised to be reminded that I don’t quite have a clue.

Dear Jesus,

This new bible study is frusterating. Please be patience with me and I will try to do the same with this study. Change is just another opportunity to grow, right?

the weekend.

15 Feb

Hope you all had a good Valentines Day!

Ladies, Jake…this is the final rose.

10 Feb

So girls night was at my house last night. My dad, being the sweet man that he is, went out and bought us all flowers and made a banana split bar. Did I mention, he’s the best?! We may have even done a lil’ reinactment of the Bachelor’s Rose Ceremony…maybe…

something beautiful.

9 Feb

In your ocean I’m ankle deep
I feel the waves crashing on my feet
It’s like I know where I need to be
I can’t figure out
No, I can’t figure out
Just how much air I will need to breathe
When your wave crashes over me
There’s only one way to figure out
Will you let me drown
Will you let me drown

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire
Cause I just want
Something beautiful to touch me
I know that I’m in reach
I am down on my knees
And waiting for
Something beautiful

And the water is rising quick
And for years I was scared of it
We can’t be sure when it will subside
So I won’t leave your side
No I can’t leave your side

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire
Cause I just want
Something beautiful to touch me
I know that I’m in reach
I am down on my knees
And waiting for
Something beautiful

pay it forward.

8 Feb

This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it. period.

-It’s hard to say that verse and mean it on a Monday, but here goes nothing.

…Today, try to do something to make somebody elses monday better. If you have any ideas of paying it forward, leave a comment! I’m always looking for new ideas 🙂

Go Livi Go!

3 Feb

After a semi-rough day at work, I decided to delay the gym and head to Lil’ Livi’s soccer game with Tiffany. I guess the rest of the family felt the same way because look at her cheering section:

Livi was too cute in her little soccer gear!

Her and her friend Brody were rockstars!

Love, love, love this little girly!