Archive | April, 2010

Blazers….oh Blazers.

30 Apr

RIP City… until next year boys!

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4 months.

29 Apr

Yesterday marks 4 months since the BIG move. Is it just me or is time going by extremely fast?! I feel like April was a blurr. What I’m most proud of since I’ve moved here is the fact that I still only have one job! How crazy is that? For the girl who has always juggled at least 3 jobs, along with a plethra of volunteer positions…thats amazing! I told myself that I had to stick with just one job for an entire year. Most people think that’s how it should be, but for some reason I love being busy. About every other day I think of a job that I could do at night after my normal job…but then I remember what I promised myself.  It’s funny because I actually try to trick myself by thinking I could just work for free at some jobs that people need done, but I guess that would be just the same as working…just stupid on my part for doing it without pay. I guess I’m just craving something more. I absolutely love my job and don’t plan on leaving, possibly ever, but I just want to do something more with my free time. The most frusterating thing is that for the first time in my life, I have no idea what that might be. I contemplate everything from volunteering at a local charity to taking random classes at the CC to even getting my Masters. Who knows! I guess I will just continue to wait until the right thing comes along. I’ve always been pretty random and spontaneous, so I don’t know why now would be any different. It’s just an unsettling feeling knowing that you have the capabilities and resources to do and be more, yet you don’t….well, at least I’m not at the moment. I know that I’m doing what I’m suppose to be doing at this time in my life, but I know there’s more. Do you ever feel that way?


27 Apr

I know i need you
I need to love you
I love to see you, and its been so long
i long to feel you
i feel this need for you’
and i need to hear you
is that so wrong?

now you pulled me near you
when we’re close i fear you
still im afraid to tell you
all that i’ve done
are you done forgiving?
or can you look pass my pretending?
Lord i’m so tired of defending
what i’ve become
what have i become?

i hear you say “my love is over,
its underneath, its inside, its in between
the times you doubt me, when you can’t feel
the times that you’ve questioned ‘is this for real?’
the times you’ve broken, the times that you mend
the times you hate me and the times that you bend
well my love is over, its underneath
its inside, its in between,
these times you’re healing
and when your heart breaks
the times that you feel like you’ve fallen from grace
the times you’re hurting
the times that you heal
the times you go hungry and are tempted to steal
in times of confusion and chaos and pain
im there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame
im there through your heartache
im there in the storm
my love i will keep you by my power alone
i dont care where you’ve fallen, where you have been
i’ll never forsake you
my love never ends, it never ends

Who am I?

26 Apr

Grace’s amazing hands, they’re ugly,
They’re bruised by the blows that I have blown.
She knows well I don’t deserve her,
But she laughs and says, That’s the way love goes.

Lately I am so overwhelmed at the things I have and don’t deserve. I can’t stop repeating the phrase, “Who am I?” Who am I to have what have, to do what I do, to know what I know and the list can go on. Who am I to be given what I so clearly don’t deserve…grace, hope, love and forgiveness. When I think of the things that God has brought me through and out of and saved me from, I am just so overwhelmed. I feel so unworthy, so undeserving and I guess that’s why grace is so amazing. While we were STILL sinners, Christ died for us… Who am I, that the God of the universe looks at me with love in his heart. Who am I?

I can’t even write this without sobbing because I know there are people out there who feel the same and in such a different way. There are people out there who feel unworthy, undeserving, unloved, underapperciated, unnoticed and yet don’t feel that there is a God who loves them and has made them worth it and so dearly loved. And even then, there are people who know God, yet don’t believe they could be loved by him who knows them more than they know themselves.

That question is a dangerous question to continue to ask yourself. Who am I? If you’re not careful, you’ll start to believe the lies that others tell you, you are, including yourself. And in doing so, you will drown out the truth of who he says you are. Worthy of love and adoration, grace and forgiveness, peace and hope and joy to live life in the fullest. Who am I? I am loved and forgiven, priceless and not alone. I am set apart, called to do great things, able to do what others deem impossible, full of joy when I shouldn’t be, able to live life to the fullest even though I deserve quite the opposite. Who am I? I am worth it, and so are you. That’s the way love goes.

a lesson in humility.

20 Apr

Not every company practices “the customer is always right”. Although, I think they should…especially in times like these, they don’t. Even when this company (who will remain nameless for the pure fact that it doesn’t really matter) was clearly in the wrong by not having proper verbiage on their advertisements regarding what they were saleing, they held true to apologizing for my “clear misunderstanding”. Maybe it was because I had just got out of an hour of “hell” in spin class in which I met the creepiest man alive (no, not short shorts man). (Side tangent: creepiest man alive= the guy who chose to sit on the bike next to me even though there were 30 other bikes available and who stared at me for the 55 minutes of said “hell” all while he talked about his recent trip to the beach with his girlfriend…wow…some people’s kids!) Anyways…it could have been a lot of things, but when I didn’t get the customer service I felt I deserved, I took out my frustration on the two girls who were continually apologizing for the apparent policy of the company. I walked out mumbling something under breath, got in my car and took off. 5 minutes down the road, everything inside of me made me turn around. Not to over spiritualize things because honestly…even just as a human being…who do I think I am? What a jerk! Embarrassed, I drove back to the place…red in the face about my juvenile behavior and apologized to the two girls and the “all the sudden quiet” crowd of people.

Humility. Mahatma Gandhi  once said,  “I claim to be a simple individual liable to error like any other fellow mortal. I own, however, that I have humility enough to confess my errors and to retrace my steps.”

 It’s not easy, maybe someday it will get easier. Lord knows I’ll probably have a billion chances to practice, but maybe its true that the greatest characteristics you can acquire are the hardest to learn. Isn’t there a saying about humility that once you think you’ve got it, you’ve lost it? Well, I defiantly don’t claim to have even scratched the surface of learning the “art of humility”,but I’ll continue to try to do better. Today, I choose to be a better person, own up to my many failures and love people they way they were created to be loved.

the ninja.

19 Apr

I’ll have to admit…this weekend was so much fun! I can’t pinpoint if it was the amazing weather we had all weekend or all the fun things I got to do…probably a mix of both!  Friday night was a great night at Grace spent with a bunch of girls who got to hear a good word from a great speaker. Downside to the night; clean-up in a dress! Should have remebered to bring a change of clothes. Also…chairs in a church might seem easy…but there NOT! Especially the ones that snap together! Props to all those out there who keep them in line!

Saturday was spent with a morning @ the spa, followed by the farmers market with Erin and the kids, gelato, the bookstore (in which I fell in love with, stinkin hilarious…plus if you read it…you’ll understand the title of this blog) and the $3 theatre. And if that wasn’t enough…the evening was spent at the country club with some drunken bingo (the caller was drunk, not me ;)…plus I won! Oh…and Tandra got engaged! Yay!

Sunday was the nicest day yet this year. Church was great, as always, and although I was hoping to play tennis…intstead I found myself in Clackamas scoring some amazing deals! 3 pairs of COH jeans for less than the price of 1…plus no sales tax! After great deals, a nice run in the sun and some quality time at the bookstore, this weekend is sadly coming to an end. I would write something more meaningful, however, I find myself struggling to concentrate as my thoughts are being drowned out by the loud pinnocle players downstairs 🙂 and the choir of frogs. Hope you all had a great weekend too! Next thing to look forward to…Palm Springs! Only 2 more weeks!!

Double the fun!

16 Apr

Happy 4th Birthday to my favorite lil’ twins! It seems like only yesterday we all stood staring at you thinking how amazing God really is with such a double blessing! In my opinion, you both were WELL worth the wait! Perfect as can be! From the assembly line of making bottles to the countless hours you’ve both kept me laughing, you both have such a special place in my heart! Can’t wait to celebrate many more birthdays with you!

Happy Birthday to my favorite mother! :)

16 Apr

It’s all relative.

6 Apr

Happy Easter!

5 Apr

Church this weekend at Grace was amazing! Great testimonys, music and the word, plus a fun filled day with family! Happy Easter ya’ll 🙂